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rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

…that being said, i doubt i’ll be as active on tumblr as i used to be. i’ve moved back home for a while, which naturally means less internet time. (i won’t cut myself off completely any more, though. baby steps.)

you know what i’ve realized? i have no idea what i want to do with myself. so i’m taking a little break to try and figure it out. in the mean time, i’m job-hunting and volunteering. there’s a non-profit society around here that trains volunteers to prepare taxes for low-income families. my mom’s done it in the past, so now that i’m here i signed up for it too. much to my bemusement, i am apparently really good at preparing taxes. (imho it’s not that complicated. we use a software that does most of the math for you, so all you have to remember is stuff like what counts as income and deductions and other little fiddly rules. it’s intimidating if they chuck you right in the deep end, but as long as you have a few charts it’s a piece of cake.) so yeah, tomorrow’s my first day…we’ll see how that goes.

you know how some people are stealth cuddlers? like, you fall asleep on the floor sometime during the 4th horror movie a normal distance apart, and wake up with them plastered to your side? (incidentally, this seems to be a pretty common trope used in fanfics to indicate that OMG THESE TWO ARE TOTALLY IN LOVE, which is not necessarily true in real life.)

i am like, an anti-cuddler. i mean, i am okay with sharing space (within reason) while i’m awake, but if i ever fall asleep on the floor next to someone i usually wake up on the couch across the room. (or, once, half-wedged under a table in the corner.) and yeah, sometimes i remember getting up and moving away in the middle of the night, but sometimes i don’t. clearly my subconscious mind is just a really big fan of personal space or something.

one of the things i hate the most about talking to my grandmother is that whenever she hears about me having ~~issues~~ with stuff she calls and like, frets at me.

endlessly. in this really irritating, mournful tone of voice.

and she keeps saying stuff like “talk to me, you can tell me everything” (between her and my mother i have been talking to people practically every two hours today and it is exhausting. and maybe i don’t WANT to talk to people, is that so hard to understand? not everybody deals with shit by talking about it.)

and then the most annoying part is the lecture about how she’s praying for me and how i should pray for guidance, etc.

man, i fantasize so much about just cutting her off with “well that’s great gran but i’m an atheist so it’s not gonna work”

i’m not even sure what’s stopping me. lingering remnants of the “respect thine elders” asian attitude?

so SydLyzard and I went shopping today (we were actually in the mall for FOUR HOURS)

we BROWSED in various stores, instead of just heading straight for our favorites or looking for one specific thing

and we almost bought matching pleather jackets except they turned out to be twice the price we thought they were so NOPE (it’s too bad, because she was going to be the Black Widow and i was going to be Catwoman and it would have been fantastic)

on the bright side, i now have red eyeliner

today i’m making a statement with some fingerless gloves made of black lace

they go quite nicely with the black platform sneakers and black skinny jeans and black sweatshirt

having tons of black clothes is really convenient. i woke up super late this morning—25 minutes before the start of biochem lab, which is a 15 minute walk from my dorm—but all i had to do was grab things from my enormous bag of unfolded clean laundry (enormous, like, hip height and two feet in diameter) and they automatically matched. and i super-powerwalked and got across campus in 10 minutes, so i was actually on time. ~~feels accomplished~~

wow, Psyclon Nine lyrics are actually really emo (i had to look them up because i’m not really good at deciphering scream-y stuff)

not that i have any room to talk, really. i wrote the most HORRIBLE angsty bullshit in high school. 90% of it was about death and the rest was, like, descriptive stuff about leafless trees in storms and the night sky. (the part that i really hate is that i was so BAD at it. i mean, i look back at some of the things i submitted to the school lit mag and cringe because it’s so embarrassing.)

do people that identify as male ever cringe at the thought of being a man?

idk this is an odd question but

like, when i was growing up people would sometimes say things like “some day you’ll be a woman” or “you’re a woman now” (three guesses as to when THAT was) and it always made me uncomfortable

like ewww no i don’t want to be a woman what the fuck

annnnd now everything smells like sharpie

jfc i am so jittery right now what is this shit

maybe i should venture out and get food?? (but i’m kind of avoiding a certain area because i don’t want to run into some people and that means avoiding the food place closest to me UGH)

maybe i should cut my hair, i want a different hairstyle

lol so i decided to order some jeans from old navy because they’re having a sale on my absolute favorite type (i live in those black skinny jeans, okay?)

and when i went to check out it had this page to sign in, because you have to do that sort of shit for old navy

and i was blanking on what password to put in because i didn’t remember

so i hit “password hint”

and the hint is “what it always is IDIOT”

past self, you are so helpful

netflix is now suggesting shows/movies for me

here are the categories it came up with:

  • Critically-acclaimed Scary Suspenseful Movies
  • Gritty Independent Thrillers
  • Violent Foreign Action and Adventure
  • Witty TV Sci-Fi and Fantasy
  • Cerebral TV Dramas
  • Mindbending Dramas
  • Exciting Action Sci-Fi and Fantasy
  • Dark Suspenseful Psychological Movies
  • Exciting Sci-Fi and Fantasy
  • Scary Movies
  • Violent Crime Thrillers

…i am sensing a bit of a pattern here

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